I walk around the streets to see my face plastered on things big and small. That's what I get for my vigilante work I guess, a whole lot of popularity. Action figures, billboards, video-games, and the list goes on. It seems that I can't get away from myself, definitely not the person I become. The media has turned me into some kind of DC conglomerate. The papers hail, "He is like having Batman, The Flash, and Aquaman all-in-one" like I'm a 2-for-1 shampoo and conditioner. Everyone stops to take pictures with my cutout and hell, I even do it sometimes.
I hear there is a TV show in production starring Zach Braff as me. The Scrubs star and his doughy physique are said to be on an intense workout schedule. He better not embarrass me on screen. If he does, well, the network may need a new actor on account of Zach's forced volunteer work in Africa; I hope they hire Brad Pitt. Either way, I love how I am commercialized without my consultation. On occasion I deface my billboards and steal the cutouts. They station a couple guards around these sites thinking they are going to catch the kids who do it. And to the guards, I would like to apologize, because I am responsible for you unemployment.
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